Few things are more frustrating than having sex with a guy who just sucks at it. You can try these ways to let him know he’s awful in bed.
One of the most horrible feelings in the world is when you finally get the courage and find the right ways to let him know he’s awful in bed. It’s not that it feels bad to actually tell them you didn’t enjoy yourself. The misery comes when you see their face, when they finally realize that they’re not all that.
Men are very proud creatures. Everything is a competition for them. It’s embedded in their DNA. Whether it’s a pie-eating contest or a race for the elevator, the only goal is to win over somebody else. When it comes to having sex, men are basically competing with every guy you’ve ever been with. The less men you’ve slept with, the lesser the expectations to excel.
Unfortunately for them, we’re not concerned with numbers. Women have very strict criteria when it comes to sex with only one or two goals. The first is an orgasm. The second is intimacy. If we can’t have the latter, then the least that men can do for us is to get us off.
If they can’t do it, then we’ll have to deal with the fact that they are awful in bed. This leads us to the part where we have to tell them the truth about it. That’s where it gets tricky. Most men haven’t progressed much from their set ways in terms of accepting their shortcomings.
They will admit to screwing up in real life, but it’s a different story when you criticize their barbecue skills, sports teams, home improvement abilities and their bedroom performance. That’s why you need to be sensitive about telling them when they’re not living up to your expectations when it comes to sex. [Read: Awkward signs you’re having bad sex with your partner]
So, He’s Bad in Bed
Recognizing that you’re dating someone who is bad in bed can be a tough pill to swallow. It’s often a situation we don’t want to face, partly because it feels awkward and partly because we care about our partner’s feelings.
This issue is more common than you might think, as highlighted in a study where 40% of Mexican women reported not reaching orgasm and feeling sexually dissatisfied. This statistic underscores the widespread nature of sexual dissatisfaction among women, emphasizing that you are not alone in this experience.
When it comes to ways to let him know he’s awful in bed, it’s crucial to start by identifying the signs of dissatisfaction in your sexual relationship. [Read: Ways to handle sexual frustration with your partner]
These signs could vary widely, but they often include a lack of excitement or fulfillment during intimate moments, feeling disconnected from your partner, or consistently having unmet needs despite attempts to communicate them.
It’s not just about a lack of enjoyment but also about the emotional distance that can grow when your sex life isn’t aligned with your expectations.
Understanding the impact of this issue on your relationship is vital. It’s not just about an unfulfilling sex life; it’s about how this disconnect can spill over into other areas of your relationship. It can lead to feelings of resentment, decreased affection, and a weakening of the overall bond you share with your partner. [Read: 25 ways to let go of resentment, stop feeling bitter & start living]
This doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. Instead, it’s an opportunity to grow and explore new dimensions of your relationship. Remember, discussing ways to improve your sex life can be a path to deeper intimacy and understanding with your partner.
Why Men Are Awful in Bed
Before you start thinking up ways of telling your man about his lack of sexual prowess, you need to know what makes men bad in bed. This is absolutely necessary because men will never admit to what they’re doing wrong. That’s because they have no idea!
Even after sleeping with a plethora of women, most men still don’t know how to make a girl orgasm. That’s because as we grow, we start to learn that our bodies need more than just a pump and a rub. Men just feel things out, and learn from whoever they’ve been with.
The problem with that method is that most men don’t ask, unless it’s called for during dirty talk. They don’t know the specifics.
They rarely have a clue about our bodies’ road map and the possibilities that it presents them. That’s why we need to step up and tell them what’s up.
How to Tell a Man That He’s Awful in Bed Without Telling Them
So, how can you tell a man that he’s bad in bed without hurting them? By using every ounce of gentleness you have and a whole lot of tact.
1. Don’t
This is the first choice, but it won’t always work. Keeping your opinion to yourself should be your initial option, because there are other ways to correct their mistakes without having to tell them point blank.
While you’re doing the deed, use dirty talk as an excuse to tell them how you want stuff done. You could even recite a whole Kama Sutra manual and they won’t even notice. But take note that this will only work if you use your sexiest voice. [Read: Hacks to have a sexy voice & seduce anyone with the way you talk]
2. A Better Option
Rather than tell them that what’s happening isn’t working for you, tell them that there’s a better way to pleasure you.
Always use the phrase, “You know what would be better?” Tell them what you really want them to do and don’t forget to say, “That would make me feel sooo good!” And again, please use your bedroom voice. [Read: How to be kinky: 42 steamy tips to explore sex outside of normal]
3. Give Sexy Commentaries
Whenever they do something right, always commend them on it. Tell them that’s the way you like it. Tell them how good they are.
That moment will be permanently stamped in their mind, which means they’re more likely to do the same things in the future.
4. Take Control
Suggest a little bit of role playing where you’re the boss. This way you can subtly give them commands on how to make you orgasm, without them realizing that you’re correcting their mistakes. [Read: How to ride your man and look sexy doing it]
5. Switch Positions
If something’s not working for you, suggest that you switch positions. Try new ones, if you’re tired of the same old stuff. Not only will this give you a possible orgasm, it will also help spice up your substantially lukewarm sex life.
6. Explore Educational Resources Together
Introduce the idea of watching educational videos or reading books about sexual techniques together. Frame it as a fun activity to explore new horizons in your relationship.
An indirect approach allows you to introduce new ideas and preferences without directly stating dissatisfaction. It can be a playful, bonding experience that naturally leads to trying out new things. Plus, it takes the pressure off both of you, making it a shared journey of discovery rather than a critique.
7. Encourage Mutual Exploration
Suggest a game where each of you can express and explore a fantasy or something new you’ve never tried before.
This can be an exciting way to bring novelty into your relationship and can be very enlightening in terms of understanding each other’s desires. It’s a way to communicate your needs indirectly while also attending to his. [Read: Mutual masturbation: How to try it, 25 tips, positions & sexy must-knows]
8. Use Positive Reinforcement
Whenever your partner does something you enjoy, make sure to express your pleasure both verbally and non-verbally.
Positive reinforcement can be a powerful tool. It guides your partner towards the actions and techniques that provide you with the most satisfaction, without ever having to highlight the negatives.
9. Create a ‘Fantasy Box’
Introduce the idea of a ‘fantasy box’ where both of you can drop in suggestions or things you’d like to try. Doing this can be a playful and indirect way to communicate your desires. It adds an element of surprise and anticipation to your sexual encounters, making the process of exploration enjoyable for both. [Read: Mutual Fantasy: How to fantasize & talk about someone else while having sex]
10. Offer to Lead the Way
Sometimes, taking the initiative and leading can be a subtle way to guide your partner. You can show rather than tell what you enjoy.
You know how your body works. Just tell him what feels good and what doesn’t! Just don’t go overboard in one night. Take baby steps and always tell him how good he is, once he gets it right.
11. Suggest a ‘Sensations Night’
Plan a night dedicated to exploring different sensations and pleasures, where the focus is more on the journey than the destination. This can be a tactful way to explore what feels good for you. It encourages experimentation and attention to detail, which can be enlightening for your partner.
12. Use Questions to Guide
Asking questions like, “How would you feel about trying this?” can be a diplomatic way to suggest new things. It opens a dialogue about preferences and desires. It’s a non-threatening way to introduce new ideas and find out more about what your partner enjoys as well.
13. Discuss Aftercare Post-Intimacy
After you’ve enjoyed a close moment and you’re both relaxed and cuddling, it’s the perfect time to chat about what you liked most during your time together. This cozy setting makes it natural to share positive feedback and gently highlight your favorite moments.
This kind of casual conversation can be much more appealing than a formal debrief. It feels less like a review and more like sharing sweet nothings. These simple, loving exchanges can subtly guide your future intimate encounters, ensuring they evolve in ways that delight both of you.
And if None of Those Work…
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to get them to improve their moves, they still don’t realize that their moves aren’t good enough to get you off. In this case, you’ll need to refer to these methods.
14. Sit Them Down
Make sure that you’re doing this at home, preferably in the bedroom. It offers the much-needed security that will make this conversation go smoothly.
Don’t alarm them by sporting a gloomy mood. Just act as if you’re about to tell them about a business trip or something that doesn’t require any strong emotions.
15. Reassure Them
Make sure that you make your partner feel at ease. Tell them that you want to tell them something, but you’re reluctant to because you might hurt them.
At this point, you can’t turn back. Just tell them that no matter what happens, everything is going to be okay. Honestly, there’s no way to start telling them about this without freaking them out.
16. Tell Them the Truth
Do not use the words, “You’re bad in bed”, “You’re awful at this” or anything that uses negative adjectives. Tell them that you’re having trouble getting an orgasm, and that you’d like them to help.
This is where they’ll realize that they have something to do with it and promptly burst into tears or indignation… Or, if he’s a really laid back guy, he’ll probably just agree and try some new moves. [Read: 20 sexual problems couples can easily avoid]
17. Calm Them Down or Reassure Them Again
Reassure him that it’s not the end of your relationship. You just need a little more love and affection, and that it’s possible for him to provide that. Tell him that you’re not asking for too much – just a little improvement.
Bonus Tips
18. Never Fake It
We know there’s an article for faking an orgasm out there, but that’s specifically targeted for people who are in need of an escape route for sex. When you are in a relationship, you should NEVER EVER EVER FAKE IT.
The reason why you’re with a man who’s awful in bed is because you made him think he was better than he really was. Forget their ego! Your sex life is just as important as your emotional connection. Tell him the truth with your body, if you can’t say it out loud. [Read: 22 common reasons women resort to faking it]
19. Tell Him How You Like it Before You Do It
Before you realize that something’s wrong with your sex life, you need to orient your man on the ways you want to be pleased. It’s unheard of these days, but couples need to talk about sex before they do it. Your man needs to be aware of your recent sexual history and your needs in bed, and that includes little kinks, fetishes and favorite moves. You both need to know the ground rules, and how far you’re both willing to go. Awful or not, it’s going to suck anyway if you’re not making an effort to know what you both like in bed. [Read: Tips to get your partner to communicate about sex]
Avoid These Common Pitfalls
While it’s important to address issues in your sex life, certain pitfalls can make the situation worse. Let’s dive into the common things to avoid when you’re dating someone who is bad in bed.
1. Avoiding Blame and Accusations
It’s easy to point fingers, but blaming your partner can make them defensive. Instead, focus on how the situation makes you feel and what you both can do to improve it.
Remember, it’s not about who’s at fault, it’s about working together to find solutions.
2. Steering Clear of Comparisons with Past Partners
Bringing up past lovers can be hurtful and damaging. It creates unnecessary competition and can harm your partner’s self-esteem. Focus on your current relationship and how you both can enhance your intimate experiences. [Read: Easy ways to stop comparing your new guy to your ex]
3. Being Mindful of His Feelings and Self-Esteem
Remember that your partner’s confidence in bed is fragile. Approach the subject with care and empathy. Be constructive in your feedback, and reassure him of your affection and attraction to him.
4. Not Overgeneralizing the Issue
Avoid making sweeping statements like “You always…” or “You never…”. Such statements can feel overwhelming and unproductive. Focus on specific issues and suggest actionable ways to address them.
5. Refraining from Public or Inappropriate Timing
Bringing up intimate issues in public or at inappropriate times can be embarrassing and counterproductive. Choose a private, comfortable setting where you both can talk openly without distractions or embarrassment.
6. Dodging Ultimatums
Ultimatums can lead to resentment and pressure. Instead of saying, “If this doesn’t change, I’m leaving,” try discussing how important the issue is for your relationship’s happiness and exploring solutions together.
7. Avoiding Sarcasm and Mockery
Sarcasm and mockery can be hurtful and demeaning. Maintain a tone of respect even when addressing frustrating issues. Communication should be about building each other up, not tearing down. [Read: 31 communication exercises & games for couples and secrets to feel closer]
8. Ignoring His Efforts
If your partner is trying to improve, acknowledge his efforts. Failing to recognize his attempts can be discouraging. Positive reinforcement for the efforts made can motivate further improvement and exploration.
9. Resisting the Temptation to Guess Instead of Asking
Making assumptions about what he likes or dislikes can lead to misunderstandings. Openly ask about his preferences and encourage him to do the same. This open dialogue can lead to better understanding and satisfaction.
10. Letting Frustration Take Over
It’s normal to feel frustrated, but letting that frustration dominate your conversations can be damaging. Try to stay calm and focused on solutions rather than dwelling on the negatives.
Try These Ways When Dating Someone Who is Bad in Bed
Having bad sex with a partner isn’t the end of the world. There are tons of ways to help him become better. But the first step is always the hardest, and that’s making him come to terms with the fact that he needs some improvement in the sex department.
The key is to communicate effectively and sensitively. The goal isn’t to criticize or belittle but to build a stronger, more satisfying sexual connection together. This process might take time and effort, but it can ultimately lead to a deeper understanding and connection between you and your partner.
[Read: Foundations of a relationship that separate the good & the bad]
So, if you’re faced with the challenge of dating someone who is bad in bed, don’t despair. Try these ways to let him know he’s awful in bed. With the right approach, you can turn a sensitive issue into an opportunity for growth and enhanced intimacy in your relationship.
The post 29 Subtle Hints to Let a Guy Know He’s Awful in Bed Without Hurting His Ego is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.